Nothing By Chance Blog

Upon Reflection

ContemplativeIgnorance is bliss! Things that have “slapped me ‘side a my head” because, in spite of knowing better, I have acted in a contrary way:

Establish habits that are positive and constructive. It was my habit to do a cardio workout followed the next day by strength work. Travel inevitably, throws me out of this in every way beneficial loop. I admit the first day it feels good because I have so much energy for everything else that gets done that day. After that, however, I’m sluggish, less flexible and just not comfortable with my body. Even with extended periods away from home, this habit seems to require home ground to get reestablished.

My control is limited to how I respond. Yet I traipse into la-la land when a family member does something “stupid” and I try to correct them! Immediately, my out of control response, sets their heels firmly into mother earth and the “stupidity” continues. I haven’t decided which is worse, having the “stupidity” confirmed or realizing that their action actually does work well for them.

Power is a closed system until a higher order is mutually recognized. This is the aftermath of failing to heed the limits to my control. For example, a family member reveals that “Obama is a Muslim” and I hear myself shouting (yes, shouting, as much as I’d like to think it was “loud conversation”) “bullshit”! Nothing that happened after that was constructive or beneficial to anyone. Did I ask for evidence? Did I ask “So what”? Did I restrain myself to a neutral non-verbal response? No, no and no. In effect, I waived a red cape in his face and wonder how he can believe such tripe. But my behavior helped reinforce his belief.

Happiness is constructed not purchased, entered into, or handed out. Resilience, appreciation, hope and acceptance are attributes of becoming happy. Each of the attributes has countless behaviors that can be utilized in the construction of “happy”. In the face of several weeks among those who don’t know about the attributes and who are still waiting for the feeling to wash over them, I get in line; the wrong line, wondering why “it”, i.e. happiness, isn’t happening to me.

Unrequested advice is worse than useless; it wastes words, time and confuses intention. This is true even when the words are “What would you suggest be done?” but the non-verbal is “OK, smart ass, since you’re so much smarter than the rest of us, put it out there!” My sister was frustrated with her puppy’s refusal to follow direction, so I suggested she do what works with my dog. In no uncertain terms, she told me what I could do with my dog, which led us to searching for internet wisdom. I ended up downloading a dog whisperer’s $20.00 CD. The message was CCAPP (Calm, consistent, assertive, patient, persistent) to be delivered non-verbally. I actually listened to the CD, my sister hasn’t paid her share of the cost, and the dogs still do exactly what they were doing before I provided the unrequested advice.

“The unexamined life isn’t worth living” or, minus reflection living morphs to existing. It’s been five weeks away from home and those familiar places and times for personal reflection. Five weeks of existing is far too long and way too much time wasted…


NBCC coaches make it much more difficult to fall into the gap between what you know and what you do. Coaching is reflection and it’s a kindly delivered “slap ‘side of yo’ head”.

Dave is recognized as a Coach that Coaches go to.  A leader, that leaders seek out for counsel.  Fresh from his sojourn to the Southeast, get his guidance now!  Of course, those of you who want to learn more about Dave, just click on his image.